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Warnings: minor angst
The man was infuriating, yet so intelligent and an extremely powerful wizard that Severus had a hard time not listening to him. Dumbledore had given him trust, and friendship. But now that he had heard more truth from one who displayed Gryffindor cunning, more about the truth behind the role he had played, a game of an unlikely alliance. What had Dumbledore said all those years ago when Severus spilled his secret, that he had tried to get the Dark Lord to spare Lily alone?
“You disgust me.”
The tables had turned. The shame was Dumbledore's. And still Dumbledore stood facing the window as if Severus did not exist. Rain spattered the window but landed with a cold chill in Severus' heart.
“The magic that protects Harry,” Dumbledore began, turning his tired, old face toward Severus at last, “Even I cannot truly tell you what it is. But it is strong. Lord Voldemort cannot see past his nose. Well, he hardly has a nose. You get the point. Love is a foreign concept to him. Nagini is his chosen companion. The rest of you hardly exist but to do his bidding.”
Severus seethed. “That mediocre, lazy, sloppy boy whose mind is a portal into the deepest recesses of the Dark Lord's mind is always granted trust.” Severus spoke barely above a hissed whisper. He knew he sounded resentful and childish but Dumbledore was goading him with knowledge barely out of reach.
“And 'the rest of you?' As in, me?” Severus was not quiet any more. The lines in his face tautened giving him an even more angular look beneath his greasy black hair. “I put myself in the most mortal of dangers for you! You do not trust me. I am just a pawn in a game between you and the Dark Lord of 'who cares who dies as long as I get what I want” - what you want. You recall saying this sentence to me under similar circumstances? “You disgust me.”
Dumbledore looked as if Severus had slapped him across the face.
Finally Dumbledore spoke. “It is not that I do not trust you, not that I use you for some grand scheme of my own for the benefit of myself. But I do make use of you – you are a key player in my plans.”
“And you are open, transparent and honest with me all the time,” Severus sneered sarcastically, but to his knees. He did not want to look into the brilliantly blue eyes that seemed to penetrate everything like constant low-grade Legilimency.
There was a silence and a snuffling sound. Severus looked up. Dumbledore had tears in his eyes. Oh dear, now he was going to play the emotion card.
But it was not what Severus expected.
“Will you forgive me, Severus?” Dumbledore said clearly but in a much smaller voice than usual, even perhaps shakily. A tear slid down his cheek.
Severus snorted. He glared at the spindle-legged tables laden with Dumbledore's inventions. He did not need to think about his answer, even, because he had considered this before. Severus knew he was not expected to live this fight through to the end.
“As I have had to do for years upon years, again, and again, and again,” said the thin man in the dark robes. His voice had a steely tone.
Fawkes understood. He gave a low, musical cry.
Feedback: I would love constructive criticism!
Title: Life Was Not Theirs
Albus Dumbledore was a man of many secrets; more than Severus knew. Though, there was one secret Severus figured out a long time ago: Dumbledore was more cunning than he liked to let on. How did Severus learn this? Because of their special relationship. Severus knew their friendship was more of an alliance than than a friendship should be. Did that bother Severus? It used to. He felt bought. He gave his magic to cover his shame. An even exchange, according to Dumbledore. He had even made Severus believe it. Everything was done for a reason. Life was not theirs.
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#21 - Loved the humor, made me laugh
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